i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
