Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
