I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
