i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
