Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
