did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
