well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
