Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
