using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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