Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
