I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
