woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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