I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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