you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize