She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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