You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
