If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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