I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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