You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
