worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
