I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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