I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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