Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
