So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You made out with two different species that night
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
A bitchslap is in order.
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