Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
