apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize