I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
