I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
