Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
