i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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