remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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