How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize