1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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