I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
