they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
