Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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