Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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