I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
