Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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