K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
