Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
