i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
