I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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