well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She told me I should be a condom model.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
