I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
