Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
