At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
