Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
