So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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