and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
