weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
