i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
