Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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