smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
