They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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