So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
