I think my vagina is haunted
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
