recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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