I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
no you cant smoke seaweed
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i now understand why vodka
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
