I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
