I will die if light touches me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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