It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
