i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We have started to decorate penises.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
