We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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