do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
