Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just puked most of my soul out..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
