Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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