if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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