I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
