You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He passed out mid-signature
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
