All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
