At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
