Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
