I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
