In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
