Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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