pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
