I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just cropdusted the office
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
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