I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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