A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
