i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
