Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
