I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
