using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
